You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
