i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize