some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
