i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
