i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
