So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
