hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
