can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
