They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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