who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
