I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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