Your tits are I can't wait for
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
