Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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