i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
