i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
