i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
