can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
