Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
