Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
