My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I would fuck him just for his dog
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
