his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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