I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
