Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
