i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
