The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
