My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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