I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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