Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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