I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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