CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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