I've blown a few things in my day
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
