I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
