Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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