apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is the high leading the old right now
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
