I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize