Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
did you just send me my own nude
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
