WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize