RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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