This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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