I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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