Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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