There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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