I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
