Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's never too late to be topless.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
