my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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