i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
