You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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