we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
