i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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