Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
