I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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