Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
