After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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