I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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