do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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