Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
