if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
smell my finger.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
