Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
