i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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