I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
