You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
