So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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