the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She even gives head with a lisp.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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