Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
