i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
