I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
