so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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