So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
