What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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