She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
