well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
