now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
