I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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