some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Houston, we have a squirter
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
