I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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