I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
