saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
