Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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