Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize