Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
