Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
