Christians are straight up FREAKS
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
