I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
