Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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