I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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