i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
