toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize