belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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