Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
