I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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