You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
