The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You're like the curious george of whores
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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