Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
