Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
this boner is exhausting
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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