she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize