That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
