No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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