he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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