I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
