That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
